Conservatives Defend ‘Hypothetical, Contemporary Super Reagan’ From Colbert On Chemical Weapons

On Monday’s Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert took on the GOP’s “fan fiction” foreign policy, where Ronald Reagan wins every battle simply because he doesn’t have to fight… all the bad guys are busy causing flash floods by wetting themselves in fear that he might look their way:

Yes, we conservatives have an uncanny ability to know what Ronald Reagan would do at any given time. Syrian conflict? Invade. Obamacare? Repeal? Super salad? Jelly beans.

That’s why we know, we conservatives know that the Gipper would never stand for the use of chemical weapons… today. Of course in the 1980s, his administration ignored chemical attacks by Saddam Hussein that killed thousands of Iranian troops and looked the other way when Saddam gassed his own Kurdish citizens.

But remember, that’s the old Reagan. We’re talking about hypothetical, contemporary Super Reagan, the one… the man who never raised taxes, or tripled the deficit and who knocked down the Berlin Wall using his nutsack as a wrecking ball!

The news-busting conservatives at NewsBusters.org want you to know that of course the real Reagan appropriately handled Saddam Hussein’s use of chemical weapons.

The Gipper condemned it in an actual speech at the United Nations!

The reality is the United States didn’t even impose sanctions on Iraq — likely because the Reagan administration sold Hussein chemical weapons throughout the 1980s as part of an alliance to prop up Iraq against Iran.

But that was the real Reagan — not hypothetical, contemporary Super Reagan, who is headed to Syria right now on his raptor.

Photo: Sharpwriter via Etsy.com